Hollywood Headaches: Ode to Angie’s leg

A sliver of pale gleamed through a thick curtain of night.

Eagle: Spread! Moose knee.

Pallid. Gangly. Knobby.

Bananas!

Leg. Leg. Leg. Leg.

Haiku!

Angelina Jolie’s leg, Angelina Jolie’s leg, wherefore art thou, Angelina Jolie’s leg?

Eureka! It’s awkwardly peeking out like that dude’s nutsack on the cover of the Rocky Mountain News in 2002.*

“Angie’s Right Leg,” a new Twitter account, was sparked by her stance on Oscar’s stage Sunday night.

Wait! A Lego fell out.

Aha! The Jolie-Pitts wanted to smuggle in the colorful litter.

Zahara, Maddox and Shiloh clutched tight to Jolie’s inner thighs (prompting said stance); the twins were tucked in Brad’s mane and Pax was buried in the goatee. (Brad. Where are we? 1993?)

We assumed that her awkward stance was to pimp that slit that went up to her cli — ahem — pantyline.

But no. Damn Lego spoiled it.

I’m on to you.

*A 2002 fire victim, donning cutoff jean shorts, was perched on rubble of a burnt-down home when he inadvertently was photographed with his sack out. Google it.

Tyra’s so smart

Tyra Banks “earned” a Harvard diploma after completing Harvard’s Executive Education Owner/President Management program (i.e., Bizness for Soopermodels).

She’ll display the Ivy League diploma on her twelvehead for a limited time.

Bitchslap to the security guard

What do you mean you don’t know who Sean Young is?

Eh, what are you gonna do. Even I had to IMDB her.

She’s that broad from “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” who had a penis.

No? She was in “Skating with the Stars.”

There’s a “Skating with the Stars”?

She’s that chick from “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.”

Like we watch that shit.

Young was arrested for slapping a security guard after trying — to no avail — to get into the post-Oscars Governors Ball.

The security guard made a citizens arrest because — well — he also doesn’t know her from Adam. (Whatever that adage means.)

Speaking of Levine…

Adam Levine told Access Hollywood that he “was uncool in high school.”

Oh honey.

I see X-tina and Cee Lo failed to give you the memorandum?

You’re still “uncool.”

Tangent: “Uncool.” Not a word. I’d like to teach the world to write, in perfect hyperbole(s). I’d like to hold it in my arms and feed it irony.

I’m special.

Unbeknownst to me, broads want to bang Adam whilst I see a cheesetard saturated in ’90s tattoo regret who needs to quit his day job.

Fine, I’ve never watched “The Voice.” It’s not on a future agenda either. These “musicians” gone Simon Cowell are starting to smell like Heather Mills’ prosthetic.