Hollywood Headaches: Skrillex hair, Rush Limbaugh and Kirk Cameron

Act of contrition: Attempts to get into electronic music’s pants have proved ineffective as of late.

It’s a little scratchy down there. It needs a wax.

Speaking of scratchy… Skrillex’s lover, Ellie Goulding, needs to run three quick errands for me: Snag BF’s nerd glasses. Sport them. Look at him.

Right. Shoulda done that earlier.

Oh, wait. Girl, you got Skrillex hair.

You would.

Once upon a dated-’90s rocker look, Skrillex and Ellie met via email.

“Months and months ago. I sent her an email, like, ‘I’m Skrillex. I don’t know if you know who I am, but I love your shit.'”

Thus, the fairytale of said British chanteuse, courted by the American electrobot was born, bearing twin hair.

“I love her. She’s my fucking girl,” Skrillex said.

Aw. He’s such a lady.

Poor choice of words, Mr. Seaver

Media firestorm!

Save yourself from the throes of bingeing buzz!

This week, there will be myriad hackneyed headlines and countless clichés involving the phrase “Growing Pains.” Just watch.

Mr. Staunch Christian, Kirk Cameron — who played Mike Seaver in the ’80s family sitcom “Growing Pains” — referred to homosexuality as “unnatural” on CNN’s “Piers Morgan Tonight.”

While the teen idol spews boorish nothings into Piers’ ear, we hope he’s at least flattered knowing that his post-pubescent mug is being manhandled, soiled and passed around like wads of lube at town bathhouses.

Headline of the week

“What Vanessa Minnillo’s Baby Bump Means for the World.”

Pray tell?

Guess we’ll just lay in wait.

A Rush of blood to the ears

After Rush Limbaugh “apologized” for calling a law student a “slut,” the radio host — whose advertisers are dropping like Fergie’s testicles — is still looking rationalize the drivel that drips out of that bulbous face.

“Talk about a double standard,” Limbaugh said. “Rappers can say anything they want about women. It’s called art. And they win awards.”

Didn’t mama teach you that exercising self-control makes you the bigger person?

Of course it’s Greek to you.

Big bully.

Stolen gems

Ain’t no lie, Backstreet baubles went bye, bye, bye.

Brian Littrell, from the Backstreet Boys, said $120,000 in jewelry was stolen from a Georgia hotel where he and his wife were shacking up.

Ah, balls. That was an N’Sync song.

Well screw this post.

Timmy and Taylor

Apparently Tim Tebow and Taylor Swift had dinner together.

At least abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.

And Jesus makes the abstinence grow longer.

And longer makes the porn addiction spread beyond(er).

Right.

Don’t do it, Tebow. That bitch retaliates via song.