D ear Christy,

A month ago I started dating a guy I really like, but it turns out he’s a stanch Republican. I’m an Obama-mama. (Not really a mama.) Can it work if we just avoid talking politics?

–O, O, O

OOO-klahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plains:

(Look what you jerks do to me when I feign a name for you.)

Republicans are wrong. I mean. Republicans are wrong. I mean. Whatever.

In the company of each relationship come hurdles like religion, politics, sexual orientation and “Tommy Boy.”

To cross such life-impacting issues, it is imperative you and your man have a basic foundation together: like comparable interests, hobbies, drinking habits and equal fondness for “Tommy Boy.”

If so, you can hopefully clear said obstacles by a mile.

Then, you need to decipher his personality: Can you discuss these issues in the vein of educated adults by dodging offense?

If so, you may be OK. (Him loving “Tommy Boy” only helps.)

Now, if he’s a smug scrapper who preaches arrogance, then you need to flush him down Santorum’s bidet.

You can never avoid talking anything. That’s not how relationships work, sugar.

That’s how Republican families work: Avoid confrontation. Get angst. Explode one month later with incoherent ramblings.

So if you avoid said confrontation, know this: You will get close. (You’re a girl.) You will fall in love. (You’re a girl.) You will find out he’s spending your tax dollars on Sarah Palin’s book. (He’s a girl.)

Good talk.

Dear Christy,

On of my homegirls has been single for a long time. I don’t know anyone to set her up with and worry about doing that anyway, but how can I help? Can I be her wingpal even if I have a boyfriend? Or just take her to Fascinations?

–Cock hunter


Like Bindi Irwin?

Whoops. I read “crock.” I should’ve known you had the mouth of a two-bit whore.

No matter the situation, you are allowed to be a wingpal. In fact, it’s your job to be your BFF’s wingbitch, even though it blows when you’re taken. Now you have to get off the couch, pull out your cleavage and prance on Pearl as plump bait for your bestie’s boys.

Wingperson is stupid. Go fish yourself.

However, there are the broads who need us as security blankets, and alas we oblige, because we’re neat.

Here’s what you should do: Pimp a cubic zirconia on the ring finger. Reel the dudes in with the rack. Assembly-line them to your broad. She’ll taste ’em or toss ’em.

Now put your goods away and go home to your man.


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Christy Fantz has relationship advice and she’s not afraid to dish it out. Send your questions to .

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