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EILEEN MARIE SIMONEAU
Megan King winces as she crams herself onto the dashboard of a Volkwagen Beetle to join 26 people in the car in a contest during Spring Break in Daytona Beach, Florida. This won’t happen to your EuroVan (because you already know it holds 43 people). PHOTO BY EILEEN MARIE SIMONEAU/ORLANDO SENTINEL

As a travel companion, let’s face it — you’re baller.

So it’s hard to choose spring break companions knowing they’re all sub par compared to you, the boss of break.

Then again, if you don’t have a posse, you’re going to look like a loser. (Especially in those stupid sunglasses. And put your shirt back on.) Even though you put the awe in awesomesauce, your companions can make or break your week of camping in the desert or climbing (and jail time?) in Mexico.

Depending on your personality (baller) and your road trip objectives (also baller), consider taking some of the following people with you on your raging road trip:

Passive people
Since you’re so good at road trips, take passive, non-decisive folks with you.

Passive people won’t give a flip if you turn on a dime. Like when you declare in the middle of Utah:

“Forget California! We’re riding Whistler this spring break! And you’re all skiing instead of snowboarding so you’re facing me at all times and can take better footage of me riding!”

Whatevs. They’re used to you being a total dipshit diva, anyway.

The planner
Maybe you’re a big-picture kind of person, a Steve Jobs type who has the vision but needs a Jonathan Ive to make it happen. (Look it up, then thank him for your fave iThing.)

Bring a planner — that friend who plots out exams months in advance, who always has an extra snack for you when you hike and who will get a real job five years sooner than you.

Yay, snacks!

Gear hoarders
You have a fancy tent, but you don’t want to share with anyone. Also, your rope is kinda jingus. You need a gear hoarder — someone who has five of everything.

Don’t worry — you just have to invite the gear hoarder. The planner will tell the hoarder what the entire crew needs and arrange everything.

(The planner and hoarder will also call you a princess behind your back.)

The chef
You like to eat well when you’re camping and slacklining and hiking. (Read: Fancy Ramen.)

Bring a pal who likes to cook.

Or, if your only friend who likes to cook also likes to experiment — green marinara for St. Patty’s, really? — just bring someone who knows how to cook.

Or maybe you can cook. I mean, what are you bringing to this trip, anyway? Your charisma?

Well you do have the EuroVan…

Pal who can C everyone TFD
Bringing all of these personalities together in your EuroVan for hours of driving and a week of decision making and possible green marinara could be taxing on the group dynamic.

You need one pal who can both stay chill and tell everyone to shut the fuck up and calm the fuck down when it’s called for — and get away with it.

One stipulation: This friend needs to be able to tell you to STFU, too.

Look, just CTFD, spring break will be fine, princess.

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