‘J ersey Shore” will begin filming its sixth season this summer.
(Double exclamation point.)
Jesus, Jerry and Joseph. Has it been six seasons? Where have we been?
Let’s see, three years ago (because they squash 2-into-1 year)…
You: were smokin’ in the boy’s room.
I: was belly-up to the bar.
Snooki: was but a wee sparkle in your boyfriend’s thong.
Condolences, friends, I’ve only watched maybe two episodes of “Jersey Shore.”
Yeah, you only view it for the trainwreckery (assbaggery, if you will). You would.
I’m not better than you. I just have more fascinating shit to watch (my neighbor’s burgeoning meth lab). Plus, you have dumb taste.
Oh, come here sugar. I jest for sport. Squeeze.
Fret not, MTV said all of “America’s favorite housemates” will return for the action, including knocked-up Snooki.
By “action,” they mean gonorrhea. By “favorite,” they mean gonorrhea.
Isn’t she special.
Lady Gaga told Oprah that she doesn’t plan to do any interviews for a “very long time.”
“The newest thing I do [is that] I don’t read a damn thing. No press, no television … I shut it all off.”
She must have one bangin’ porn collection.
Ashton’s going to space
Ashton Kutcher has been named the 500th person to ride British billionaire Richard Branson’s spacecraft.
(That’s what it says in the men’s room.)
Kutcher is going to get a lucky ride on the Virgin Galactic.
(That’s what it says in Taylor Swift’s diary.)
Come on down! For just an easy $200K, Ashton is the next contestant on Branson’s Galactic where layfolks get to go to space for a 2 1/2-hour flight, complete with five minutes of weightlessness.
See views of Earth only astronauts can see!
Feed the deer!
Ride the pony!
Eat a hot dog!
I’m going to the bar.