Because I’ve lived in Boulder for so many years, and because I spend so much time online, local residents often stop me to chat about web stuff while I’m shuffling down Pearl Street or doing the 29th Street samba. (I caution you not to disturb me when I’m bumpin’ phat Baseline beats, however.)

I love talking about the internet — advising youths on how best to use it for information gathering, counseling the soon-to-graduate on how it can be harnessed on the job hunt, chuckling with the old timers as we relive our glory days on LiveJournal. It’s my favorite subject, so I’m delighted to share my thoughts on nearly any occasion, Baseline bumpin’ notwithstanding.

For example, one of the most common questions I get is: “I created an account on [new site or service or app]. Now what am I supposed to do with it?”

Nearly every geek in Boulder wants to be ahead of the curve when it comes to social media and mobile applications. Not only can you lay claim to the highly coveted username like “steve” or “lol,” but you can add the site/app to your digital vocabulary, making you slightly more knowledgeable than you were yesterday.

The downside is that joining a new site or grabbing a new app means that you have to integrate its usage into your existing nerd regimen so that you stay current and active. We all saw this when Google+ emerged. (Google+ is the social layer of the Google ecosystem.) People opted into Google+, used it for a few weeks and then disappeared, often because they couldn’t find a place for it in their cluttered web lives.

I want to help you find a place for the web’s most popular destinations and mobile’s most distracting applications. You can find time for everything if you know how to compartmentalize them based on a clear purpose.

Facebook

Use this to convince your friends that your life is totally awesome even if it totally isn’t. Take photos of yourself in front of trees while wearing sunglasses or smiling with strangers. I like to think of Facebook as Façadebook.

Twitter

This is where you should post links to recipes. Trust me. You can’t go wrong with risotto.

Tumblr

Even if you don’t know who Ryan Gosling is, this is where you should go to post about him. I think he’s the guy from “Saved by the Bell” or possibly a rugby player. Either way, go find photos of him and post him on Tumblr.

Draw Something

This drawing game (available for iOS and Android) is how you let your artistic side out. Use this app late at night, when you ponder the intersection of art and technology and flinch at the dominion of one over the other. Then draw a wizard poorly.

Google+

Place all your favorite animated GIFs here. No conversations. No important links. Just the GIFs, ma’am.

Instagram

Since Facebook recently acquired it for $1 billion, you should populate your Instagram stream with expertly filtered photos of yourself stalking people on Facebook.

This is only the tip of the pencil. There are plenty other sites to arrange your life around, but this is a good start. It’s possible to be everywhere at once, or as I call it — Eferywhere.

Ef Rodriguez geekily leads you astray each week in the Colorado Daily. Give him hell at pugofwar ART gmail DART com.

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