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Boulder is known as a place where a person’s dog says as much about them as their bumper stickers do. Your yellow lab is a window into the recesses of your soul, it is a telescope that helps chart the expanse of your identity, it is a microscope that peers deep into the ranch dressing of your soul’s sub sandwich.

That’s some pretty heavy stuff. I’m not going to write about that, though, at least not directly. Nay, I’d rather address the ways that your pet — be it canine or feline or porcine — can enhance your social media footprint.

Why is this important? Frankly, most people are going to meet your online presence well before they meet you in person.

Your pet ferret can help festoon your online persona with flair. Your dog can make your debonair. Allow me to provide a few pet ploys that will better prepare you for the big, scary future.

Blog about your dog

Most people don’t have anything valuable to say on their blogs. I’ve been reading them for ages, and I think I’ve come across four or five posts that were worth my time. The rest were hollow bleating about snake oil. This is OK. The internet is a haven for pointless content. The best kind of pointless content, however, is about pets.

Whether it’s a potential employer or just someone you met online, when someone visits your blog (and you should by all means have one), they want to see lots of recent content. Writing about your dog or your cat is a dead-simple way of keeping the content fresh.

Photos work wonderfully. You can also write about how your cat never judges you. That stuff is meaningless, but it will keep your page updated. People like that and, thus, they will like you.

Lap it up on LinkedIn

Caring for a pet is a great way to develop management skills. All of those tasks associated with keeping your furry companion clean and well fed can be reconstituted on your LinkedIn profile as desirable, hirable traits. This is crucial if you’re hopelessly inept, but don’t want everyone to know about it.

Skills such as “taking that beast for a walk” can be re-imagined as “going the extra mile” or “confident command of ambulatory techniques and best practices.” This is not lying, at least not exactly. This is getting creative, just like “telling my dog to shut up” is pretty much the same as “establishing decibel parameters and enforcing said parameters consistently across multiple disciplines.”

Put a bird on it

(If you’re an attractive person, skip this one.) As I’ve mentioned in previous columns, the avatar you use on any social network or any online profile is critical to first impressions. Your pet can help you out.

If your face is less of a face and more of a monstrous mosaic, I encourage you to photograph yourself with your pet obscuring your grisly visage. It’s evasively adorable. Just use your cat as a frisky shield between your face and the camera — voil!

Pets can help you be your best. Use them. Feed them. Use them again. A pet that has been well trained in social media subterfuge is a great ally, as long as you don’t make a Twitter account for them. That’s creepy.

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