S ince Colorado, Kenya and your mother are all going to be in Boulder this weekend, you need to get the H out.

The Creek Fest, along with the Bolder Boulder, will produce enough carbon monoxide to make your car vomit.

Go to Denver. Order an omelet a la Denver with large ham chunks, Liz Lemon-style. (The “30 Rock” character is putting ham back on the menu almost as fast as truffles squeeze into oil.)


A man purse and a fanny pack walk into a bazaar.


Not until zombie dolls, cupcakes and strange costumes stroll in.

Keep reading, Danielson.

The Playa Bazaar-B-Q — held at the Fusion Factory, 3563 Walnut St., Denver, (RiNo art district) — is a flea market made of neat stuff made by neat local crafters. And stuff.

Crafts! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Summer is great for pulling our asses off the permanent couch print (I’ll speak for myself) and into the bright miscellany world of curios. And stuff.

Sure, there are flea markets all over the place, but this one boasts tons of costumes, so I’m thinking this will be rather unique.

I wear a handful of crafty jewelry made by my arty friend Aimee. The compliments I get on my handmade pieces are enough to make that weird tanning mom blush.

When I wear my “pricey” costume jewelry from Macy’s ($35), I get not one hoot. Not even a holler.

Point: Buy local crafts. They’re one of a kind. Like you. Aw.

Get a room.

Apparently, this Bazaar-B-Q brings out a little bit of the odd that we all love.

The shindig runs Saturday from noon-7 p.m. and Sunday from noon-6 p.m.

The event also includes DJs (Seeda, M.I.T.H, Mentat, Kanyon and Ether) and food.

Info: Saturday and Sunday at noon; facebook.com/thefusionfactory; 720-445-5516; free admission

Get on the chain gang

Who’s the fastest on two wheels in Denver?

I’d go with either the pudgy cop on a Segway cruising the 16th Street Mall or the geriatric with a walker who constantly steps in front of downtown traffic — not even a little bit near the crosswalk.

You should try to take that title with your sweet BMX.

You know the Giro d’Italia? No cruisers ride that bad boy. And the USA Pro Cycling Tour? BMX bikes can cry in the skate park.

The Denver Chain Chase is a 1.6-mile race that is open to all bikes. The gang meets at Cuernavaca Park, 20th street exit (212C) off I-25, Denver, at 4 p.m. for registration and the race starts at 5 p.m.

So just because we don’t wear neon junk-jiggling spandex or own a fancy racing bike, we are still loved.

(By “we,” I clearly mean “you.” You sweets should know by now that activity is the vinegar to my oil.)

Info: Last Sunday of every month, including this Sunday at 4 p.m.; facebook.com/chainchasebikerace; $10 for dudes, gals race free (sorry, guys)

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