R oman soldiers played hopscotch to gain strength and speed.
(Easy there, tigers.)
Kids play hopscotch to dust their diapers with pretty pastels.
Adults play hopscotch to stomp a kid’s masterpiece.
I’m (kind of) kidding. Relax, it’s hopscotch.
This weekend, Larimer Square, 1430 Larimer St., Denver, will house a dusty plethora of Easter Bunny vomit at Denver’s Chalk Art Festival. (Pastels, laymen.)
Although hopscotch is a spoonful of merriment, this really is not that kind of party. No, it’s not that kind of party either. Keep your pants on.
The artists who will grace the concrete and asphalt on Larimer are nothing but masters of the porous limestone variety. It’s crazy. It’s like M.C. Escher illustrations, human portraits, life-like dragons, landscapes, cartoon robots, Smurfs… weird stuff.
(Gee that concrete hasn’t looked as good since I face-planted outside of Mynt Lounge years ago. Wait. That was Market Street.)
Anyway, the festival, in its 10th year, will have masters of craft on their knees all day* making the streets of Larimer look like a scene from “Alice in Wonderland.” Or Adult Swim or something.
The artists use chalk, brushes, sponges and other tools to create. For those who can’t chalk, like yours truly, there will be wine and food. Wine! Even better. Now you can get hammered and ridicule the pure crap those little shit kids are drawing.
Oh, I jest for sport. Calm down.
Info: Saturday 10 a.m. to 10 p.m., Sunday 10 a.m. to 7 p.m.; denverchalkart.org; free.
*Again, not that kind of party.
The people of Colorado
I have so many memories of the Capitol Hill People’s Fair.
Once, a new dude I was dating wore a tank top over his sweater to the fair. Only it wasn’t a sweater.
Then there was that one time in detox… (You’re too young. Go back to sleep. I still love you.)
If you like fairs, people of every variety (Are those “people” over there? Don’t judge.) and meat on a stick, then this is your gig.
The smell of turkey legs, the sound of local bands and the view from Civic Center Park make for a good time. Slip a flask in the purse (shh, I didn’t tell you to), see some local bands jam, ride some kiddie rides and sit in the sun.
Info: Saturday and Sunday 10 a.m.-7 p.m.; Civic Center Park, Broadway and Colfax Ave., Denver; chundenver.org; free
And now it’s time to take off your clothes.
Just a little bit, though.
Elitch Gardens Water Park opened last weekend. Now that all the Memorial Day craziness is gone, go get wet.
The Tube-Top is new this year and filled with splashing and swirling and a four-person clover leaf tube. Then there’s the twisty-turny raft ride, the Splashdown. Check out Hook’s Lagoon — five-story tree house, or the Commotion Ocean wave pool.
Just be nice to the children.
Dammit, now I wanna go swimming.
Info: 10 a.m.–6 p.m.; elitchgardens.com for pricing and tickets