S ince “The Walking Dead” is clearly our favorite new show, if you’re in Denver on Saturday, you may think the AMC show is filming on the 16th Street Mall.
Saturday at 2 p.m., beginning at Skyline Park on 16th and Arapahoe in Denver, the Zombie Crawl 2012 will take a bloody trek up and down the mall.
Three years ago at this precise ballpark in time, I was shopping at the Pavillions on the mall. As I left the Tall Girl store — because your pants look like shorts on me — I ran into a whole mess of blood-soaked humans undeadly walking.
I was confused. I was scared. I was a little gassy. But then I remembered that not only did I have Tums in my purse, but Denver always has this insane zombie population that takes over the 16th Street Mall in October.
Sidenote: The Tall Girl store has since closed, hence — newsroom, I’m looking at you — I don’t wear pants. (They get their AP Stylebooks all up in an uproar when I wear skirts in the snow.)
I know what you’re thinking. How the hell can you make your vocal chords fall out of your gushing throat? How can you rip half of your jawline off? And for shit’s sake, how are you going to stomach a mouthful of fake blood when you smoke cigarettes?
Just chill out. If you get to Skyline park at noon, there will be homies there to help you with your makeup.
The walking dead will stroll the mall starting at 4 p.m. and will finish up with a costume contest at the park at 5:30 p.m. Non-perishable food donations will go to the Food Bank of the Rockies. Organizers are trying to set a world record for the biggest zombie crawl ever, so go look horrid — like you did after midterms.
However, let me offer some suggestions. Since zombies are the pirates of yesterday (read: all the rage), try to get creative with your zombie. Besides your roommate hosing you down with raw meat blood, create a character.
Sure, you can do the typical zombie bride, zombie cheerleader, zombie businessman and zombie slut, but what if you went apeshit and did a zombie Ronald MacDonald? I would have to change my skirt if I saw you.
Or go Buff (it is on a gameday, after all) and be zombie Chip, zombie Jon Embree or zombie Tad Boyle.
Point: Look different from the crowd. Win that costume contest.
Now go chug some blood.
Info: Saturday at 2 p.m.; bring a non-perishable food item to donate; eyeheartbrains.com; free
So that crawl wasn’t enough for you?
Saturday night, the historically haunted Denver Press Club, 1330 Glenarm Pl., Denver (aw, journalism friends), is hosting the Shake Rattle Groan Zombie Prom at 8 p.m.
The inaugural event will have live music, creepy burlesque, prom photos and zombie horror films playing silently while you’re shaking your bloody ass.
There will be a contest to crown the best-dressed prom king and queen, so look a fright. Maybe have your guts falling out of your pink princess dress. You’re classy.
Info: Saturday at 8 p.m.; shakerattleandgroan.com; $12-$15
This has nothing to do with zombies, but thought I’d share this gem of a show. Big Boi of OutKast is performing at Cervantes’ Masterpiece Ballroom, 2637 Welton St., Denver, Saturday at 9 p.m.
Go see the funk master in the intimate venue — Cervantes’ capacity is just 1,000.
Info: Saturday at 9 p.m.; cervantesmasterpiece.com; $35