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This is the story of two brunettes who went blonde. And a blonde went … blonder.

Or at least a few chunks of their hair did.

For like an hour.

Huh, that got lame in a hurry. That’s (hopefully) not what he OR she said. Maybe if I add that hot pink and purple soon got involved …

That’s right, what I had been lead to believe was a girls’ night in, soon became “Let’s see how high we can get off bleach in a tiny bathroom with little-to-no ventilation while finishing all the bottles of wine.”

(For those keeping track at home, we wrapped up three half-full whites. And almost a liter of red. In related news, y’all should mix some pinot noir and red moscato.)

For more than two hours, we tipsily bleached and rinsed, dried and dyed. All three of us inched toward midnight with a few streaks each of pink and purple hair.

And then the wine/fumes combo kicked in, leading our drunken alter egos piped in: “Shit, we needed more color.”

Bring on the bleach … again.

By 4 a.m., we’d fallen onto couches and love sacks — oooooh yea — waking up too soon to see the results of Slexandra and her partners in crime.

Good times.

Perhaps some drinking of your own will do the trick.

Like at Absinthe House (1109 Walnut St.) Saturday night, where DJ Toby Holguin’s going to be droppin’ some beats and … yea … I’m not cool.

The Colombian DJ’s a special Warehouse Saturday guest, ready to get you on the dance floor at 9 p.m.

Should your group be filled with nay-saying boys like ours is, against all that club-dancing ‘n’ whatnot, Upslope Brewing (1501 Lee Hill Dr.) has a special treat.

Their fifth year-round can.

The Imperial India Pale Ale has earned itself some aluminum duds, and is antsy to get in your … mouths. Time to swallow down the goodness.

Offered in Imperial Pint cans (19.2 oz), the hoppy, bitter-tastic beer is gracing your friendly local liquor store’s shelves soon. Should you go directly to the source — AKA, the taprooms — you may luck out with delectable alcohol-soaking cuisine from their food trucks.

But hey, maybe brain-cell massacres by chemicals, slutty dancing and beer drinkin’ just isn’t cutting it for you. (What a sad world you live in …)

Then I’ve got a way for you to snag your high from endorphins and cheap booze.

In honor of National Trails Day, GoLite (1222 Pearl St.) has a three-mile urban trail run organized this Saturday at 10:30 a.m.

Don’t worry, you’re still in beer-column land. Because after that run — which will tour the banks of Boulder Creek near Pearl Street — those beginning and advanced runners will end with snack time at the GoLite shop.

And then you’ll trot those sweaty bodies (mmmmm) over to West Flanders Brewery for lunch and happy-hour beer. The happiest of all things, if you ask me.

Get moving, preferably to a pint.

–Follow Alex on Twitter: @ansieh.

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