DEAN: New merch for the fans

Drake is serious about lint control.

During Game 2 of the Raptors and Nets showdown in the NBA playoffs, he was filmed aggressively lint-rolling his pants courtside. So, the Raptors decided to hand out 1,200 Drake/OVO-branded lint rollers during Game 5.

For some reason, this just feels SO Drake. It suits his personality. I want to see Drake the Proud NBA Girlfriend de-linting LeBron.

I also really want a whole bunch of weirdly mundane merch, and I’m going to spend some time imagining ways our stars could go beyond T-shirts and posters and into our everyday tasks. Join me, won’t you?

Lady Gaga insoles

Don’t have men to carry you around in a giant egg? It’s OK. Now you, too, can wear impossibly tall designer heels and still walk around. (Available at the next Alexander McQueen show.)

Jay-Z car wax

Whether it’s a Range Rover or a Lexus, keep it looking brand new. (At a dealer near you.)

Beyonce-brand Midol

Don’t let cramps or headaches stop you from being ***Flawless and running the world, girls.

Iggy Pop sunblock

For the man who can’t keep his shirt on. (Also available in SPF RHCP (Red Hot Chili Peppers.)

Taylor Swift auto-reply app

So many unwanted texts. “We are never getting back together. Like. Ever.”

Madonna blender

For all of your organic, homemade veggie drinks and protein shakes.

Lindsay Lohan calendar

(She tried to sing. I’m counting it.)

It’s really, really hard to keep track of your appointments and flight times, or even what day it is.

Kanye West

There’s nothing Kim hasn’t already done, is there? And what’s hers is his.

Mariah Carey nail file

It’s glittery, and your nails will be, too.

Rihanna umbrella

Nope. Too easy. Never mind. I’m sorry.

Contact Ashley Dean at 303-473-1109. On Twitter: twitter.com/AshaleyJill.