Jeanine Fritz

Dear Fritz,

I’m in a summertime funk. I don’t want to do anything but drink in front of my window AC unit. My boyfriend is annoyed with me. How do I get my motivation back?


It’s Getting Hot in Here

Dear So Take Off All Your Clothes,

Is it possible the BF is mad because you’re hogging all the cool air and frosty beer? Make sure you’re taking turns in front of the AC unit, and maybe bedeck the closest wall with pinups and put up a dart board across the room so he’s got a chance to see how fun it is.

But you said you were in a funk. Heat makes people cranky and listless — that’s why siestas were invented. If you want to get motivated, do things with the BF that involve more temperate settings — go swimming, catch a movie, or hang out in the mountains where the air is fresh and several degrees cooler.

There’s no getting around how stupidly hot it is right now. My car’s temperature gauge read 105 degrees today and someone in the office suggested it was because the car was overheating. Naturally, I suggested that person indulge in some quiet time.

Did you know more murders are committed when it’s 92 degrees than any other temperature? It’s (probably) true.

So tell your boyfriend the choices are sitting quietly by the AC unit with a beer in hand, or stabbing.

Dear Fritz,


I’m a new mom. I love my little baby so much I think my heart might explode. The thing is, before I was knocked up, I smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish and loved it. When I realized I was pregnant, I stopped cold turkey, but that wasn’t awful because I knew I was doing it for the right reasons. But now she’s a few months old, and I’m slipping back into old ways. Obviously, I pump and dump so the kid isn’t getting wine mixed in with her milk, and I never ever smoke around her. But I think maybe this makes me a crappy mom. What do I do?


New Ma


Dear New Ma,


Yes, smoking and drinking to excess is bad for you. And it’s not great for a little kid to be in that kind of environment.

But here’s the deal: my mom smoked and drank WHILE she was knocked up with me and I turned out fine. And my grandma did the same; in fact, she still drinks and smokes like she’s in a speakeasy from the ’30s, and her golf game has never been better.

The USDA defines moderate drinking as two drinks a day for dudes and one drink a day for ladies. That being said, the USDA doesn’t live in Boulder, where craft beer flows like water. I say keep your drinking under control like you have, and you’ll be OK. The smoking, on the other hand, needs to stop. Sorry.



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