Fritz

Dear Jeanine,

I’m getting married to a great lady in a couple of months and she’s put me in charge of the music. Can you make some suggestions – ones that are different and special?

Thanks,

I Liked It and I Put a Ring On It

Dear Jay-Z,

Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…

Ahem. So congrats on your impending nuptials. I wish you both many years of peaceful dishwasher-loading sessions, commercial-break handjobs and like, joy and stuff.

Now, the fact she turned the entire music selection over to you tells me one of two things: she’s convinced you’ll do a better job than she will, or she’s sick of planning this freakin’ wedding and is ready to start phoning it in.

Either way, the music at a wedding is crucial and you’re right to ask for help. That being said, I’m not gonna be much help.

Here are the songs I would avoid because hearing them makes me want to claw my eyes out:

“Celebration,” by Kool and the Gang

“Brick House,” by the Commodores

“Mony Mony,” by Billy Idol

“Loveshack,” by the B-52s

“Get Down Tonight,” by KC and the Sunshine Band

“Wild Thing,” by Tone Loc

“Jump Around,” by House of Pain

“Electric Boogie,” by Marcia Griffiths

OH! And that everlovin’ Chicken Dance song, but mostly because I don’t like being told how to dance. My dance style is strongly interpretive, with lots of kicks and punches — not arm flapping.

For my own wedding, I’m going 100 percent mariachi until all the grammas and grampas go home and then the playlist is a-like-a-so:

“(I Like to Have) Women I’ve Never Had,” Hank Williams, Jr.

“You Fucked Up,” by Ween

“I’m in Love with a Stripper,” by T-pain

“Love Will Tear Us Apart,” by Joy Division

“Angst in My Pants,” by Sparks

“I Don’t Love Anyone,” by Belle and Sebastian

“I Am Trying to Break Your Heart,” by Wilco

and probably a lot of Morrissey.

Maybe just plug your iPod in and use your workout mix? Anyhow, I hope wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foreva.

Jeanine Fritz: twitter.com/J9Fritzy

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