Two weeks ago at work I became seriously nauseous. I took deep breaths and closed my eyes, trying to get my stomach under control. I could feel it start to bubble up as I ran to the bathroom, barely making it in time.
This concerned me for several reasons. First of all, I don’t barf. Ever. My sister used to throw up every chance she got. I however, have an iron stomach. I don’t barf when I’m sick and I don’t barf when I’m drunk.
My first thought was, “oh shit, I’m pregnant.” Then I remembered you have to have sex to get pregnant.
I thought maybe it was something I ate. I texted my family between heaves to see if anyone else was sick, but they were all fine. I finally wrote it off as a freak stomach bug.
Then when I woke up early last week to go to the gym, I was feeling great — until once again I became suddenly nauseous.
“Oh shit, I have a brain tumor,” I thought.
The only real connection I could draw between the two days I got sick was the protein shake that I made for breakfast. I had been doing so well with working out, but was feeling sluggish, so I decided to give my diet a boost. I had purchased some very pricey hemp protein and started incorporating it into my morning shakes.
After three hours in the bathroom I emerged, and a co-worker was standing at my desk.
“I might have a brain tumor, or maybe I’m allergic to hemp,” I told her.
She told me that she had been eating hemp protein for years and would never use more than a teaspoon or two. I thought about my morning shake and the four tablespoons of hemp I had used. The serving size on the container said, “Four Tablespoons,” it did not say, “Four Tablespoons Will Kill You.”
I might be violently allergic to hemp, or maybe I just overdosed. Hemp contains essential amino acids, and a ton of protein, so I want it to work for me. I want to find something that will help me lose weight before the holidays, but I don’t want it to be involuntary bulimia.
I might be playing with fire, but I’m going to go ahead and try it again tomorrow.
But I think I’ll start with a teaspoon at a time.
Read more Liz Marsh: coloradodaily.com/columnists.