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Duncan Taylor, the dude in the middle, is a master of all things musical.
Courtesy photo
Duncan Taylor, the dude in the middle, is a master of all things musical.

Want to know the best Boulder-based bands? Or how to set up a ridiculously complicated stereo setup that’ll blow you away without blowing out your eardrums? Duncan Taylor has one hand on the local music pulse and the other on a tricked-out soundboard.

Now crank the bass and hear what he has to say.

What fictional drug are you most curious to try?

That’s an easy one. Gummiberry juice. When the Gummy Bears drink it, it’s a pick-me-up and gives them that trademark bounce. But when humans drink it, they are endowed with super-human strength, so the Gummy Bears are constantly trying to keep the recipe hidden. Apparently, in medieval fairy tale land where sailboats fly and ogres trod the earth, the juice is the equivalent of nuclear technology and constantly attracts ne’er-do-wells like a magnet.

My second choice would be Yopo, the Colombian tree powder discovered by Pickles the drummer (doodily doo ding dong doodily doodily doo). On it, you become your death spirit animal, apparently. Sounds brutal.

Give me a haiku inspired by something that pisses you off.

Corporate ownership

Big decisions from afar

God bless the newsies

A time traveler from 100 years hence offers you your choice of the fruits of transhumanism: chlorophyll skin, webbed toes, carbon fiber bones, you name it. What genetic/surgical modification do you make to your body?

Big ol’ wings. Big ‘uns. Like, Gabriel-sized, but also detachable. I wonder where I would even store those, come to think of it. So I have some questions. Will I get a dead, stuffed pair of wings since I don’t want them growing out of my body? I’m just imagining the smell since they’ll probably lean up against the wall in the kitchen when I’m not flying. Also, how do I launder the them? I anticipate flying to some dirty places. And I’m not super keen on cleaning them with my mouth, if that’s what it is. I don’t want to become a bird — I just want to fly.

What is your preferred method of disposing of the body?


Aside from stress relief and lowering blood pressure with the power of purrs, what little-known medical benefit do cats provide?

A 30,000-foot, unpolluted view of the primal violence inherent in nature, manifested before your eyes in a ruthless little killing machine that you’ve named Sir Reginald Doilymuffins. Scientists have said recently that cats just see humans as bigger cats. Imagine if they thought we were smaller than they are. Hmmmm … puurrrrrrrrrrr …

If you were 6 inches tall, which animal would be your mighty steed?

I would answer my beloved and trusty sidekick and four-legged friend Ford, who is a Portuguese Podengo Pequeno. In reality though, he’s a spastic mini ninja on stilts, so I think it would actually be hard to hold onto him.

I’m thinking something less cheetah and a little more Bambi … ah, yes. The animal I would choose would be the mighty, pint-sized dik-dik of Indonesia. It’s a 1-foot-tall deer (technically an antelope) that is also the most precious thing in the world. Please Google image search the dik-dik (possible NSFW depending on your settings) if you’re one of those happy people. OMG, his little saddle would be freaking adorable.

Read more Taylor: Stalk him:

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