Bear With Me: Hang in there, Mr. J

Idea for a movie: The Joker has an off week.

The Joker is likely the most recognizable supervillain in these ubiquitous comic book movies. He’s about as manic as they come. That makes for a memorable bad guy. It’s important to remember, however, that what goes up must come down. Mr. Psycho Clown is no exception, and when he crashes, he crashes hard.

Meeting with henchmen

“Joker, our fearless leader, what kind of havoc should we wreak upon Gotham City today?”

“Meh,” The Joker replies.

“Oh, god,” one of his henchmen whispers to another. “He’s in one of his moods.”

“What’s wrong, boss?”

“I don’t know,” The Joker said, pausing several beats. “I just feel like I’m not doing a good job. Like I always said I didn’t want to be one of those super villains who is phoning it in. And I feel like I’m phoning it in lately.”

“But boss, you just won first place for best Mass Casualty Event.”

“Meh, those awards don’t mean anything.”

“Boss, please, stop selling yourself short. You are good at what you do. And I think deep down you know this.”

“No. I’m like the worst super villain in Gotham. I used to be good, but I don’t know. I lost it. I just don’t want to do it any more.”

“Remember that hospital you blew up last month? That was beautiful, man. I couldn’t have come up with that. You have a certain poetry with your mayhem that the other supervillains lack.”

“Thanks. I just wish I believed it.”

“OK, well I don’t know what else I can say.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll quit.”

Conversation on phone with Mom

“Hello?”

“Hi, mom.”

“Hi, honey.”

“Look, do you have a minute?”

“Sure.”

“I don’t want to complain, but I just … I just don’t want to do this job any more. I have to go bomb a farmers market in about two hours, and I just don’t feel like it. I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you, honey.”

“I’m broken. I’m useless, and I just … I don’t know. I just hate myself lately.”

“Joker?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe start thinking about ‘should I tell my mom this?’ I don’t want to hear that you hate yourself. It hurts me when you say that.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just not feeling good.”

“You aren’t feeling good a lot lately. Maybe you need to step outside yourself a little. You have things pretty good, for being a high school dropout. You’ve done pretty well. You’re a top supervillain in a good-sized city. You just hold yourself to this impossible standard that you can’t meet, and then you beat yourself up.”

“Yeah.”

“And please don’t say you hate yourself. I’m trying to be supportive, but this is giving me a headache.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Just go to work. You know you like your job. You are just in a rut right now. Go set a nice fire. You like setting fires, right?”

“OK. Sorry.”

“It’s OK. I love you, and your henchmen love you.”

“Thanks.”

Read more Bear: coloradodaily.com/columnists. Stalk him: twitter.com/johnbearwithme