• Hardies

  • Jeremy Papasso / Staff Photographer

    Boulder is a town of good-looking humans and adorable goats. And yoga. So much yoga. And goats.



Welcome to Boulder, a land of great hiking, goat yoga and bicycle shorts. No wonder it’s often ranked as one of the fittest cities in America. It’s also one of the sexiest.

The parks here are filled with lithe, ripped and flexible folks engaged in activities that show off some of their greatest assets. People-watching in Boulder is a great pastime not just because of the odd characters who abound. You’ll also see enough hotties to fill your spank bank for months.

Don’t ogle, of course. You’ll ruin it for the rest of us.

Spending some quality alone time with a memory of that demi-deity you saw on campus is a great way to relieve stress and refocus your mind. But if you want to actually get it on with some of the gorgeous residents of this gorgeous city, the usual rules apply: Take care of your hygiene, show interest in a nonthreatening way, don’t torture small animals for fun. That sort of thing.

Some of you are free from your parents’ oversight for the first time in your life, so it’s time for a recap of the birds and the bees.

1. Condoms are effective and easy and often available for free at places like Wardenburg or Planned Parenthood. They come in various colors, sizes and flavors, and if your partner refuses to use one the first time you’re about to do the dirty, you should strongly consider noping the hell away from them.

2. Sex is best when both/all parties are having a party. If a participant is just lying there like a starfish, you might wanna double-check if they actually want to have sex with you. Or if they’re conscious. Seriously, don’t have sex with unconscious people. That’s horrifically unsexy.

3. If you are the owner of a vagina and you just had someone’s hand/penis/strap-on up in your business, make sure you squeeze out some pee after the act. UTIs are a thing, and they’re no fun.

4. If you are the owner of a penis, you may not trust my expertise on the matter, so this advice comes from a friend who has suffered: When you’re jacking it in the shower, don’t use shampoo. You will regret it. Lotion is usually safe in a pinch, but really, you should just go ahead and spring for a bottle of lube. That stuff feels amazing.

For those of you who have mastered the basics, this could be the place to learn something new. CU and Boulder have groups where you can meet friends who are polyamorous, asexual or into BDSM.

If monogamous, vanilla, hetero sex is your cup of tea, go for it! You don’t have to be a kinky omnisexual stamina champion with a constellation of a dozen lovers to have a rockin’ sex life (although you have to admit that sounds pretty cool).

Just keep in mind that everyone wants something different, even if we’re all looking for a good time.

So go out there and sex it up. Or don’t. Whatever makes you happy. Good luck!

Read more Hardies: Stalk her:

blog comments powered by Disqus