And now, my impression of every city council meeting ever. It begins at 6 p.m. Tuesday.
“I move that we continue with the meeting,” the mayor said.
“I’m amenable to that motion, but I want to amend it to include an extra public comment period prior to the first item on the agenda because that is what most of these people are here for,” Councilor One said.
“I’m amenable to the motion and the amendment, but I want a second amendment that if we include an extra public comment period before the first item on the agenda, we remove a public comment from the second item on the agenda,” Councilor Two said.
“So what I’m getting is that you are amenable to the motion on the table and the first amendment but only if the second amendment is included in the original motion,” the mayor attempted to clarify.
“If I may,” Councilor Three chimed in. “I understand the desire to include an extra public comment period before the first item on the agenda, but I don’t know if it’s doing a disservice to our constituents to remove the public comment period prior to the second item on the agenda.”
“I’m a little lost here,” the clerk said, clearly exasperated. “So are we voting on the original motion to continue the meeting with the first and second amendments included, or are we voting on the original motion without the first and second amendments?”
“If I may,” said a bearded, 65-year-old man from the front row of the gallery who comes to every meeting because there is free coffee.
“Sir,” a clearly irritated mayor said. “You will have a chance to speak prior to the first item on the agenda.
“But I want to speak before the second item on the agenda. You are infringing on my rights!”
“We really need to get rid of the free coffee,” said no one in particular.
It’s 6:30 p.m. and somehow three hours later.
“Point of order,” the mayor continued. “We have a motion on the table to continue with the meeting with two amendments: one to add an extra public comment period prior to the first item on the agenda and a second amendment to remove a public comment period prior to the second on the agenda. Do I have a second?”
“I will second the motion, but I want more discussion on the second amendment to the original motion,” said Councilor Four.
“Hey, you are out of nondairy creamer,” said 65-year-old man from the rear of the chamber.
“Sir, please,” said the mayor. “So I have a motion to continue the meeting with an amendment to include —”
“Um, I believe we were going to have further discussion,” said Councilor Four.
“What did you want to discuss,” said the mayor with an audible sigh.
“Can we please bring this to a vote” the mayor said.
Meanwhile, a lonely reporter sat in the back of the chamber, softy weeping.