Last week, I talked about my annoying coworker who spends most of his day getting coffee, reheating coffee, talking about coffee, peeing or walking to the bathroom. This Baby Booming Bumblebutt also clips his nails at his desk, makes awful jokes, burps, hums, sings and YES — you read that right, he clips his fingernails at his desk. I get hit by these things! I smell burps and farts and listen to jokes so dumb Jay Leno wouldn’t say them.
This week, I introduce you to an entirely different annoying-as-hell idiot coworker.
Let’s call her Valley Ditz because her accent sounds like she’s from the beaches of California, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. She’s from the middle of nowhere on a farm — and there’s nothing wrong with that. But what’s worse than listening to somebody with an annoying accent? Listening to somebody faking that annoying accent by imitating old “Saved By the Bell” episodes, Katy Perry and the dumbest “Teen Mom” cast members.
I work in a financial aid office for a major university. I have never worked a job like this before, and the fact that I’m new to this field (and not necessarily very good at it) has been tough for me.
VD has been working in this field for a few years. She does a great job of pointing out that I’ve done something wrong but not teaching me what the hell is wrong and why. This is a highly stressful job. I’m not jealous of her experience or anything, I just wish she would help me instead of making me feel stupid.
My irritating male coworker is louder than VD, but I always hope and beg and pray that she’s not, “OMG I’m like, ugh, so totally sick right now,” because she’ll cough so loudly it’ll knock the enamel off your teeth. She’ll groan for no reason, too, which is just kind of weird.
Then there are her lame jokes. She’s not funny, but that’s not the entire problem. Nobody always tells perfect jokes. But VD laughs at her jokes louder than anybody. Just like her voice imitates some Disney version of a surfer girl, it’s as if the noise of her laugh comes from a wicked witch in a cartoon.
As bothersome as she can be, she still doesn’t compare to the snotty Baby Boomer Bumblebutt who’s twice as annoying.
Hopefully, I’ll quickly figure out my life so I don’t need to work in financial aid for forever. I took this position because they accepted me and I’m getting benefits at the moment. That’s nice, because I think sitting around all day applying for jobs is a lot worse than dealing with coworkers than irk me.
I wonder what I do that’s annoying.