I have never seen “Game of Thrones.”
I know it’s not edgy to not watch it. I have seen your memes telling me that not participating in mainstream entertainment is no longer considered cool. So on top of feeling left out, I also feel lame.
I’m not avoiding “Game of Thrones” to be cool. In fact, as the biggest pop culture nerd I know, I am having serious GoT FOMO.
I’m a human adult who regularly uses the internet, so I know a few things about “Game of Thrones.” I know that there is a Night King who bears a strong physical, and perhaps political, resemblance to the newly appointed president of the University of Colorado. I know that the actress who plays the mother of dragons had some strokes and that she is the most utterly delightful interviewee to grace late night talk shows. I know that there is a heavy-browed young woman who had age-appropriate and consensual sex right before heading into battle, and for some reason that really bothered fans. I know that in real life, the heavily browed young woman is best friends with a tall blonde woman who recently married a Jonas. And I know that there is a man called Jon Snow who looks perennially prepared for winter but also sad about it.
But these facts do not add up to a story line, and that’s deeply unsatisfying for me. Who are we rooting for? Why is Jon Snow so sad? Is the always-fabulous Peter Dinklage a good guy or a bad guy? Are the dragons pets or weapons? I need to know. And more importantly, I need to participate.
I love enjoying things in the company of other people. I like being on the inside of an inside joke and feeling like the clever memes were made just for me. I appreciate this new era of entertainment that doesn’t necessitate friends, commercial breaks or pants, but I miss the days when we used to get together to watch our favorite shows.
“There’s an easy way for you to solve this, Liz,” you might be thinking. And it’s true — I could go ahead and binge the entire series, catch up and happily attend watch parties. But honestly, at this point, it’s not worth it. In a few weeks, the series will come to a close. Everyone will talk about the finale and much will be written about it, and I’ll feel left out of Westeros for the last time. As GoT fades into history, so too will my FOMO.
Eventually, like great shows that came before, I will forget that I never watched it. In fact, like “The Sopranos,” “Six Feet Under,” “The Wire” and “The Walking Dead,” I’ll probably pretend that I did watch it. Maybe, like “Parenthood” and “Arrested Development,” I eventually will watch it. And then I will shout from the rooftops about how good it is, but it will be too late. You nerds will have moved on without me.
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