GET BREAKING NEWS IN YOUR BROWSER. CLICK HERE TO TURN ON NOTIFICATIONS.

X

PUBLISHED: | UPDATED:

Hi Fantz,

Your favorite Silver Foxes here. At our morning coffee meeting, the conversation, as it does many times, turned to girls, and the question was pondered: ”Do girls like facial hair, in general, or not?” That led us to Google an answer, which then led us down several rabbit holes, the least of which was manscaping below the equator. Can you just fill us in, do women like hair, of all variety, or do you prefer a more groomed look and feel? One last request, could you work the word germane into your answer? I really like that word.

-Silver Foxes

Foxy boys:

Hello Foxes! I hear you missed me. Were you watching me shave in the shower last night? I guess it’s time to get a curtain. Not a merkin curtain, a window curtain. (Although a full ginger merkin would be a sweet accessory to wear to gynecologist appointments.)

The only hair that properly disturbs me is one that’s in my food, drink, or mouth. I will lose my appetite for the remainder of the day, even if it’s my own hair.

Other than that, landscaping a furry neck beard is nice, offering a more striking — and less People of Walmart — look. And trimming wayward pubes for the sake of more pleasurable oral experiences is considerate. (Pulling pubes out of teeth is the worst kind of nauseating.)

PSA: If you’re a virgin to shaving sensitive areas, invest in a high-quality razor, moisturizing shaving gel and after-shave bump cream. Nicks and cuts on the privates will sting and make for an awkward 69, especially when dotted with small pieces of toilet paper you used to clot the cuts. Make sure to exfoliate the area first, then shave in the direction the hair grows.

But if you aren’t into shaving, don’t let anyone make you feel pressured.

If you expect a significant other to shave, then you should be expected of the same undertaking. Preconceived gender norms aside, if having a blade graze your genitals makes you hyperventilate, you can’t expect a lover to follow suit.

Of course, coming across a manscaped piece is always a delight. If you like your nuts and bolts sucked, the recreational activity is more appealing when they’re groomed. A hearty desire to suck the rocks could be quashed if they’re padded with layers of Yeti turf.

However, I can imagine the stress in shaving those creatures. I can’t dream of living with a pair, nonetheless hacking at them with a blade.

I fear I’m not offering anything germane to this discussion. Let’s wrap with this: For the heap of history, broads have been expected to be prim and trim, so maybe now it’s dudes’ turn to mow the lawn.

Whatever future path your pubic hair takes, just make sure to always scrub the rug before grounding corn. That’s just common hygiene.

Read more Fantz: coloradodaily.com/columnists. Stalk her: twitter.com/fantzypants.

blog comments powered by Disqus