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Cliff Grassmick / Courtesy photo
BOULDER, CO – APRIL 7, 2020: George Boedecker, right, picks up an order from Greyson Payes, of T/aco in April.

Well, hell, here it has happened again. You’ve just spent four hours smoking weed and watching TikTok (note to editor: please replace with some other timely reference if TikTok has been banned by time of publication) and before you know it, it’s 8:50 p.m. and almost every eatery in the People’s Republic of Boulder is about to close.

First, you spend about three minutes considering whether ordering from a place 10 minutes before closing makes you an asshole (it does, by the way; indisputable). The only thing in the fridge to stave off the crushing depression that is life in 2020 is last week’s frozen pizza and an aspirational zucchini going mushy. This simply won’t do.

Cliff Grassmick / Staff Photographer
Illegal Pete’s on The Hill serves up burritos late-night.

Not to worry, we’ve got you. Here are the places from which you may procure life-giving sustenance at the perfectly reasonable hour of 9:05 p.m. on a Friday. After all, the one nice thing about the current apocalypse is that we can order delivery from really nice restaurants and eat it on the couch in sweats. Sure, that almost makes up for the rest of it.

Attic Bar & Bistro

Where: 949 Walnut St.

Delivery and curbside hours: 6-11:30 p.m. daily

The best thing about Attic Bar & Bistro is obviously that the very first message on their website screams “Stuck at home? Order food and alcohol online!” Well, Attic Bar & Bistro, this reporter does not have to be told twice.

Attic Bar & Bistro is pretty cheesy. After all, one of their most popular items on their gourmet pub fare menu is the Wisconsin Mac & Cheese with a signature Attic cheese blend. There’s a Bucky cheeseburger named for the official mascot of The University of Wisconsin-Madison, Bucky Badger. Oh and the Bucky burger, by the way, is topped with American, cheddar AND Swiss. If you really want to stop up your insides for a few days, you could go even further with the Bucky Supreme burger, which is the Bucky cheeseburger but sandwiched between two grilled cheese sandwiches. I feel like the owners of this place might be from Wisconsin, just a hunch.

Maybe all that ooey-gooey cheesiness is necessary to soak up the bar’s delicious libations. Attic Bar & Bistro is “the home of the Fat Albert,” a fruity little cocktail with Vodka, grape Kool-Aid and lemonade. Fat Albert is only $4 during happy hour (3-6 p.m.) and Attic Bar & Bistro also offers $3 PBR Tall Boys after 9 p.m. for all you cheap bastards.

Little Tibet Restaurant & Bar

Where: 4479 N. Broadway

Delivery and takeout hours: 11 a.m.-9:30 p.m. Monday-Friday, noon-9:30 p.m. Saturday-Sunday

“Why are there Tibetan and Nepali restaurants in little ol’ Boulder?” I hear you ask. Well, Boulderites like mountains. When they decide they want to climb the tallest mountain, they start planning and selling firstborns for the privilege of summiting Mt. Everest, on the Tibet-Nepal border (except this year because it’s closed).

This Colorado-to-Everest pipeline has also led to the reverse when people native to the Everest region realize that you can easily blow a white Coloradan’s entire mind by serving them a well-seasoned plate of hearty food. And thus, our wonderful pockets of Himilayan cuisine. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Anyway, that’s a lot to consider if you need some calories to continue your all-night Avatar: “The Last Airbender” marathon study session. Let’s cut to the chase: momo are amazing and we should all be eating them for every meal for the rest of our lives. Momo are these perfectly sized (the sampler of 10 will leave you well-sated) dumplings stuffed with mouth-watering concoctions of protein, veggies and spices with a special tangy hot sauce. Sure, every culture has a dumpling but I have yet to meet one that lives up to momo. I’m going to start selling “Momos Before Hoes” bumper stickers.

Little Tibet also has some old standbys if you are familiar with Indian food: you can get your Saag Paneer or Tikka Masala fix. If you’re feeling more adventurous, you can also try some of the more rare finds like Tingmo — a steamed bread — or Tsel Tofu — a tofu dish packed with flavor from baby bok choy, carrots and red peppers.

B/Urrito

(the artist formerly known as T/aco)

Where: 1175 Walnut St.

Delivery, curbside and takeout hours: 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Monday-Saturday, 11 a.m.-9 p.m. Sunday.

Look, is there any better food-drink combination than tacos and margs? I would posit there is not. B/Urrito was known as T/aco in the Before Times. They transitioned their menu to only serving burritos and bowls during the current pandemic because — although tacos are an almost perfect food — they are often less than stellar in the Travels Well category. B/Urrito said “We ain’t servin’ no goddamn soggy-bottom tacos that you eat with a fork” and I have to say, I respect that decision.

For your burrito or gluten-free bowl, you get to choose from three different flavors of chicken, steak, shrimp, pork belly or veggie. But the real game-changer here is, and now listen closely, TO-GO MARGARITAS. That’s right. I know. You probably need a minute. I’ll wait.

OK, now that you’ve processed that you’re within minutes of TO-GO MARGARITAS let me blow your mind a little more: they come in growlers. For as little as 30 American dollars, you and your five friends (or just you over several days, who’s to know) can have a growler of house margarita. And you get $5 back when you bring the jar back! Besides the house, B/Urrito also offers coin margs made with silver tequila, strawberry margs, pomegranate margs, pineapple habanero margs and bougie margs with ginger and pineapple. I mean, c’mon people.

File photo
Assorted cupcakes and other goodies at Boulder Baked.

Other late-night options

Boulder Baked, 1911 Broadway, offers everything from comfort foods to cupcakes to grilled sandwiches; 11 a.m.-11 p.m. Tuesday-Sunday; boulderbaked.com

Fat Shack, 1110 13th St., offers burgers, “fat” sandwiches, cheese fries and more; 11 a.m.-1 a.m. Sunday-Monday, 11 a.m.-3 a.m. Tuesday-Saturday

Illegal Pete’s, 1447 Pearl St. and  1124 13th St., wraps up giant burritos and bowls with a variety of stuffins; 11 a.m.-10 p.m.; illegalpetes.com

Japango Sushi, 1136 Pearl St., serves Japan fare from sashimi and sushi to large plates; 11 a.m.-10 p.m. daily; boulderjapango.com

Lolita’s Market & Deli, 800 Pearl St., the full-service market and deli serves smoothies and breakfast sammies, and cold and hot ones, too; 6 a.m.-midnight daily

Pizza Colóre,1336 Pearl St., whips up gourmet New York-style pies, calzones, hot Italian sandwiches and salads; 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Sunday-Wednesday, 11 a.m.-2:30 a.m. Thursday-Saturday

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