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Fantz in Your Pants

Coronavirus has non-consensually spread its seed into nearly every aspect of our lives.

From the editor: Colorado Daily temporarily halting print publication

By Christy Fantz

April 2, 2020 at 7:36 p.m.

Hey” with a double “y” takes on different connotations among generations. Millennials: I’m flirting with you. Gen Xers: You spelled “hey” wrong.

Fantz in Your Pants: Heyy readers, we have a plan

By Christy Fantz

January 30, 2020 at 6:00 a.m.

If you expect a significant other to shave, then you should be expected of the same undertaking. Preconceived gender norms aside, if having a blade graze your genitals makes you hyperventilate, you can’t expect a lover to follow suit.

Fantz in Your Pants: Grass on the field

By Christy Fantz

January 17, 2020 at 6:43 p.m.

Right before Christmas, we had to say goodbye to our Good Boy Clyde. A Saint Bernard mix, Clyde was the cutest, goofy-looking boy. One ear was always upright and the other always flopped over. His giant paws were four different sizes, making for a clumsy fellow who tripped over his own big feet.

Fantz in Your Pants: Good Boy Clyde

By Christy Fantz

January 10, 2020 at 4:02 p.m.

Since I have to fib about a jolly man in velour pajamas toting a giant sack — who magically hits every home in the universe, filling them with presents all in one solitary night — I have to put the tree up.

Fantz in Your Pants: Making the best of broken holidays

By Christy Fantz

December 13, 2019 at 4:54 p.m.

There’s this 22-year-old broad who spends her days unboxing children’s toys on YouTube. She’s worth $25 million. She reportedly hauls in an estimated revenue of nearly $30K per day from ads. I won’t divulge my annual salary, but it’s not far from her daily salary. And she plays with toys all day.

Fantz in Your Pants: Take $10 grand and shove it

By Christy Fantz

November 8, 2019 at 3:55 p.m.

My child and I express our love in exactly the same way. Our hearts and endorphins burst with so much fire and warmth that we are fierce and fast in sharing it with others.

Fantz in Your Pants: Young love

By Christy Fantz

October 25, 2019 at 6:33 p.m.

Do you see what you’ve done to us, #COwx? You make us exchange in small-talk pleasantries with other human beings. You're a real piece of work.

Fantz in Your Pants: Snow my god(s)

By Christy Fantz

October 11, 2019 at 3:45 p.m.

Almost a decade has passed since I met a suitor, got married, spit out a spawn and got divorced. I didn’t want to date after that; my wish was to shun relationships forever.

Fantz in Your Pants: Dating is weird now

By Christy Fantz

September 27, 2019 at 4:08 p.m.

I was standing at the bar, talking to a friend when a man reached under my dress, between my legs and swiped my privates as he walked out the door.

Fantz in Your Pants: Look at that hog

By Christy Fantz

September 13, 2019 at 6:45 p.m.

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